*QUICK NOTE* My older blog ( www.hookerproblemz.blogspot.com ) got deleted a few months ago for having "inappropriate content". It broke my heart because I only had my writing on my blog- not on my computer or a hard-drive. I was so worried I was going to lose all my writing and the photos in all of my entries. Luckily, I was able to internet archive all my past entries and transfer them onto here! It had just gotten 10 MILLION views when it got deleted as well :( Since then I have not felt inspired or motivated to write until now! I hope you all enjoy! *
The other day something pretty ironic happened. I started to receive a flood of messages through Snapchat and Instagram, whether it was the same person on multiple accounts; or different people- I have no idea. Basically, I got a bunch of messages saying 'What you do is illegal in the United States, I won't stand for it. You're a horrible person, you are using people and manipulating them while stealing their money!' Which... I've never done. I'm being used just as much as I'm using somebody else. I don't even like to put it in terms that way, but since they kept saying the words 'used, using etc' I felt the best way to get through to them was to use their own words from my perspective.
I'm not just gaining, they are gaining as well, it's a mutual understanding. Whether we come to a sexual agreement or they just want my company, it's mutually beneficial. Through these messages I began to get worried. In England, everything was fine- even great! I never felt paranoid and the few times I was involved with law enforcement, they were so kind and respectful and actually concerned for my safety. Coming back to America is a whole other story. I had only worked in America for a few months during the end of my addiction and I was very wreck less, un professional and had little regard for my well being. Whereas today, I've really changed; I'm extremely professional, I love my work, I'm always clear headed and I put myself and my health before anything else.
In the past I would get high when I worked and now I refuse to do anything; even if my clients bring me alcohol or weed (since I advertise I'm 420 friendly) I always turn it down. I don't mind or judge if my client wants to indulge in front of me... I just prefer to be clear headed and in the moment. Once the session has ended and we have gotten dressed and about to part ways, then I'll have a drink or take a few tokes on a spliff. However, it will be my own supply, since I never know if something can be laced or dangerous. I know girls who have been in horrible situations and have been tricked by people. They have snorted a line of ketamine thinking it was Cocaine, only to not be able to stand or walk.
The reason I stopped working in the states, years ago, was because I was investigated and put on a list of known prostitutes, a 'black list'. I have previous entries where I talk about how I was investigated by the FBI and how I re-located to England. When I was investigated years ago, I didn't think it would effect anything; until I went to my usual hotel that I would always work from and handed over my ID to check in. Once she entered my info into the Hotel's computer, she informed me I was not allowed to check in. This became the case at all hotels in the area, and made it awkward since I now had to have my clients check in under their names.
This weighed heavy on my mind when returning back to America this summer. When I started receiving these threatening messages, I began to get even more nervous. Since I have returned, I have barely done any sessions. I have not had one domination session and have only met with 2 regulars who I met on previous trips back to the USA.
These horrible messages made me realise I was sharing WAY too much on social media! Which is a shame, because I love being brutally honest and sharing my life... but, unfortunately I give out too much information and I show a lot of myself and my vulnerability; which I personally find beautiful and have yet to find anyone else in my line of work showing as much as I do about their lifestyle online, and in the capacity that I do. It was heartbreaking to get these messages and have to re evaluate my online presence.
I had to take it upon myself to alter some things I share online. No more posting about escorting on snapchat, it's true that i'm in a country now where it's illegal. I have VIP snapchat where people have to pay to be a member, so I will only be talking about escorting on that account from now on. There I can show myself getting ready for the booking, being nervous, during the booking and how happy I am after the booking; and how silly I felt for being nervous before hand! I can also show off more nudity and sex on that account as well. I decided to still show webcam life and domination sessions on my public snapchat, since it's not illegal and my domination sessions have no sex- AT ALL. From today's porn, most people think domination is sexual, but I rarely get naked, it's mainly verbal or physical humiliation. It's about denying that person pleasure and teasing them with the idea.
It was pretty ironic because just as I posted all of these new rules for myself on social media, and dealing with harassments from multiple accounts... I got a call from a potential new client, who I've never seen before. At first, he had emailed me explaining that he was Autistic and he was very interested in seeing me. The email went as so;
Hello Mistress Cassidy!
I am an autistic person but I do most things for myself. I have a good sense of humor, and I love to talk to pretty girls, like my cousin Katie. I love my pets: a dog and two cats (a female and male who have both been fixed).
I was interested in several of your likes and offered services:
I liked it when you said that you love it when I can't keep my hands off of you, exploring your body and that you love making me cum, I think that is very sexy.
I love some things in your "nice list" like: french kissing, sex with protection, cumming as many times as possible. However, I am not into heavy submission or humiliation. Though you being in charge is a nice thought.
I am interested in arranging an in call session with you this Friday around 8:00 PM if possible.
I found this email extremely endearing and very cute! I was instantly intrigued and really hoped George and I would be able to meet!
I replied to George asking him to call me. Since escorting is very illegal here in America, I never discuss anything via email, text or even on the phone. Once I get a call from the potential client, I continue to be very vague and not discuss specific services or price. Instead I use words like, 'the donation for the hour is...'. Talking to them on the phone is more for my own peace of mind. I like to hear their voice, carefully listen to the words they choose and just their overall attitude. For instance, if the guy continues to ask extremely sexual questions or call me names, I will never ever, EVER see them. However, if they are polite, articulate, kind and even seem to have the appropriate amount of nervousness in their voice- I know they are someone to consider.
So.... George calls.
And, he sounded perfect! In fact, he didn't come off as autistic or mentally handicapped AT ALL! We agreed to meet and picked a time and place that worked for us both . I asked him to confirm with me by text at 6:30 PM that we would still be meeting at 8 PM, which he did and we continued to text for a bit. I then asked if he had any specific outfit or makeup requests; he answered that he was 'partial to bikinis'. I started to get very excited and fondly remembered my only other similar experience. I had a client, in the past, who was also mentally handicapped and had never been with a woman, yet watched a lot of porn and had some specific fantasies in mind! Now, I absolutely love nerdy boys who play video games and watch anime and I get really excited to give them the best sexual experience possible! I love to ask what type of porn gets them off the most, what positions they have always wanted to try, and teach them more about the female body. I had him touch certain areas and asked if he felt how it was wet, and if he felt it get more wet when he did this, or that. And when I took my hand away and let him explore on his own, I would tell him when it felt really good or not so good. It was such a beautiful experience and he voiced to me at the end how much it meant to him and how happy and grateful he was, which made me cry! He had never been held or cuddled and I was the big spoon, wrapping my arms around him and holding him and squeezing him while kissing the back of his neck.
He had always wanted that.
I can't even imagine going my whole life without that feeling! I love to be held and cuddled! I love to feel sexy and desired by someone, and who doesn't?! The thought of never having that brought tears to my eyes! I wanted to give him that moment and show him what that felt like. So I was really excited about this booking and was hoping to have a similar positive experience. When I got closer to the area, all dressed up and driving over there, I updated my security and my good friend on my arrival time, the exact location address and more. I was running a bit behind, so I called my client to ask him if he would be able to check in for us and then text me the room number so I could just knock on. I was also hoping to avoid checking in myself, in fear that I was still 'blacklisted'.
The same voice I had been talking to earlier answered the phone and said, "O.k., I just gave him a ride and we're here so we'll see you soon!"
As soon as I heard the word 'we' I was taken aback.
"I was under the impression there was only one of you..." I replied.
I don't do double bookings like that. I don't see two guys at once, never have, never will. I would never want to be in a situation where I felt like I could be overpowered or vulnerable. Some girls might find it sexy but I find it un-settling and nerve wracking. The guy on the phone, who was not my client, began to explain that he had only just given him a ride and that he would drop him off and pick him up when we were done, since George didn't drive. I agreed but preferred to get the room myself once I was there and could actually decide if I wanted to do this booking or not. Once I hung up I started to realise that the man on the phone was most likely his father or brother or even a close friend. I had never been in a situation like this, so I texted my close friend to explain everything,
*SEE TEXT MESSAGES*
Since I was driving and rushing, I pressed send without realising I had just sent those messages to George,
NOT MY FRIEND.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
I had just said how weird this was and that I was going to write about it!! He probably thinks I;m some undercover journalist or something now! Who knows what he's thinking! I pull off on the side of the road, freaking out, snap-chatting my freak-out and trying to message George apologising and explaining.
He answered with, "no problem."
I felt like such an ass-hole, so I called him, again.
"I'm sooo sorry about that! I'm 2 minutes away and when I get there I'll explain everything! I've just never been in a situation like this and was messaging my friend to explain my nerves!" I eagerly apologised.
"It's no problem! Honestly I know it's a weird situation, we'll see you soon!" George's driver said.
I took a breath, tried to calm my nerves and looked myself in the mirror.
"You got this..." I told myself, giving myself a pep talk, as usual. "You're going to pull in, get out of the car and be that sexy, boss bitch you know you are. Their going to see you and forget all about those texts! YOU GOT THIS!"
I do little pep talks all the time! I get nervous before every single booking, which is completely natural! If I wasn't nervous and completely confident, then somethings wrong. I should never be fully confident when going to meet a stranger!
I had them meet me at a hotel I used to work at in the past, which I knew rented rooms out for 3 hours, 5 hours etc for truckers who are driving for hours and need to nap for a bit. When I pulled in, I found the hotel fully boarded up and closed for good! Which was no surprise, considering it was a popular hotel for working girls. I saw one car parked there anyway, and knew it was them. I pulled up alongside their car, and found George in the passenger seat and his father in the driver seat.
"Hey! I didn't realise it was shut down! Follow me to the hotel next door!" I shouted out over the sounds of highway traffic.
They followed me to the next hotel, and there was no shortage of these sleazy motels. We were on a strip of highway filled with roach motels, average hotels and nice hotels.
As I pulled in, 2 cop cars pulled in right behind us, I try not to freak out as I also see a group of young sexy guys hanging in the parking lot- right where we park. George and his father jump out of their car and we hug and greet each other in the parking lot. All eyes are on us and I can hear the group of guys laughing as I greet George.
George is overweight, flushed red in the cheeks, dripping in sweat and has a long ponytail that goes well beyond his shoulders. His father is of similar size and stature and I can only imagine what the group of guys are thinking! They probably think I'm going to get fucked by the both of them, at the same time! I turned to his father, who had already introduced himself to me as the father, and began apologising and explaining my text mis-hap again.
"Honestly, don't worry about it!" He waved his hand to dismiss my apology. "We're not new to this at all. In fact, when you were emailing and texting earlier- that was my wife. We want George to be happy and experience normal things and have social interaction. I know it's weird, but the whole family is part of the decision. I actually dropped my wife off at the diner across the street and we'll just hang out and wait until your both done. He's got enough money to cover everything as well."
I instantly teared up and was taken aback at the kindness and open-mindedness of this family. Since all eyes were on us and I could not see where the cops had gone, I decided it was best to cut our introductions short and get checked in.
"I know this isn't the best area but it's cheap.. and since were only meeting for one hour it's pointless to get a really nice room, you know? I don't know if you noticed the cops pulling in... so just to be on the safe side why don't you both wait in your car while I check in and go to the room. Once I'm in the room I can text you the room number. This way we don't look out of place." I explained.
"O.k.! We're not worried about the cops too much , I'm sure there's much more shady characters here than us!" George's father joked.
"Exactly!" I laughed along.
George let his father take the lead and patiently stood by watching me and looking me up and down with desire in his eyes.
As they got back in the car to wait, I started towards the reception office when I noticed the cops had gotten out of the car and were standing on the opposite side of parking lot to where we were parked. There were cops in uniform and undercover officers with bullet proof vests. I glanced over and quickly took my gaze away from them, and focused on the reception entrance.
My mind began to flood with paranoid thoughts.
'What if they are here for me? What if they ran my license plate and then ran my name? What if definitely am still blacklisted? What if they don't let me check in?!' My mind raced and raced with every possible scenario.
Entering the lobby, I'm faced with heavy fluorescent lighting, bullet proof glass surrounding the receptionist and multiple signs saying 'no soliciting' and 'all inappropriate activity will be reported to the police'. I took a deep breath as I approached the desk and asked for a room for the evening. The woman behind the counter was clearly in a bad mood, yet I can only imagine the type of people she has to deal with on a daily and nightly basis. I decide to be overly polite and kind so that she would not deem me as 'suspicious'. When she asked me for my license, my heart dropped as I handed it over. She began typing in my information, all the while I am anticipating her to tell me I'm not allowed to check-in since I've been blacklisted.
But, that doesn't happen... Instead she hands me back my license and a paper to sign.
'It worked!' I squeal inside with excitement. As I walk back to my car I began to wonder, 'what if they allowed me to check-in, only to catch me in the act! What if she's notifying the police what room i'm in?!' All these thoughts racing around.
As I approached my car I hear multiple heavy footsteps running; and when I turn around I see the cops running towards the hotel- clearly doing a raid. But, thankfully it didn't appear to be for me! They weren't even looking my way!
I pulled my car around back, where my room was, and took my bag with sex toys and my bikini like outfit in hand. I could barely get the door open since I was shaking as I entered the card into the door slot. Once inside, I threw my bag down and took a look at the most depressing and run down room I had ever seen. Sure, I had stayed there countless amounts of time during my addiction; sometimes for weeks straight. Yet, I don't remember it looking THIS bad! I reminded myself that since then I have changed so much. Of course this room is going to look bad! I've been staying in 4 star hotels and luxury private apartments! But things had changed since I was back in America. Staying in a 4 star hotel for a one hour booking would look super suspicious!
I texted George the room number and began adjusting the lighting. All the lights in the room were fluorescent and I quickly regretted not bringing my coloured light-bulbs, like I usually do. I decided to turn all the lights off except for the bathroom light, which allowed a small amount of light into the room. When a knock sounded at the door, I hesitated before looking through the key hole.
'Please don't be the cops, please don't be the cops, please don't be the cops.' I quietly whispered under my breath.
I was relieved to find a flushed red and sweaty George waiting on the other side. I opened the door and let him in. It was immediately awkward. Being autistic, his social skills were not the same as mine and he didn't greet me or say anything; instead he walked straigvht past me and over to the bed, where he sat down- just staring at me.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked nervously, taking a sip from my own water bottle.
"Sure" He answered.
"O.k., let me go find the vending machines, do you want water, soda or juice?" I asked.
"Water is fine."
Leaving behind my bag of toys and cellphone, to show that I trusted him, I began wandering the fluorescent filled hallways of the cheap motel. After hitting 3 dead ends and continuing to hear running footsteps, cop radios and various noises from the rooms I was walking by, I gave up and headed back to the room.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't find them!" I exclaimed as I came back into the room. "Here, let's share my bottle of water!" I offered as I poured half of it into a plastic cup in the room.
"Thanks." said George.
I sat down on the bed and we both silently took sips from our water. It was clear to me that George was not going to start or lead the conversation. That, was up to me.
"I love how involved your family is!" I started. "That's so beautiful and rare! You're super lucky!"
"I know." George answered simply and bluntly, all the while continuing to stare right at me.
"So..." I struggled to find something to say. "Your Dad said your not new to this, how many girls have you seen and when did you start?"
"About two years ago and I think I've seen 5 girls... well, 6 now that I'm here with you."
"Aw yay!" Somehow, it made me feel oddly better knowing he had done this multiple times.
"Well, let's get the money out of the way and then I can change into my outfit!"
George dug into his pockets and without counting, handed me over a wad of bills. I was only halfway through the money and had already counted out my cut. He had given me WAY too much.
"You gave me too much babe! Here..." I handed him the rest of the money.
"Oh, sorry. I've never been good at counting." He shyly replied.
I instantly thought of every other girl he had seen. 'Did he give them too much also?' 'I bet they took it all and didn't tell him it was too much!'
I excused myself into the bathroom to change, leaving the door open since it was the only source of light. I had asked him to remain lying on the bed and explained that I would undress him. It was somewhere between cute and awkward the way George would just stare at me without saying much. When I emerged back into the room, fully dressed in lingerie, I watched as his eyes darted all over my body and a bulge in his jean shorts begin to grow. His child like innocence was endearing to me. I crawled onto the bed and had him sit up as I took his shirt off, followed by his pants. Once he was left in his underwear, I began stroking the hair on his chest, and asking him more questions.
"Is there anything specific you always wanted to do?" I asked.
"I've always wanted to drive a boat!" He answered and his eyes lit up.
I couldn't help but smile and say "aww!". It was clear I was going to need to take a totally different approach than what I usually do. I dived right in and began kissing him on his mouth, neck and cheeks. He was a surprisingly good kisser! When I breathed hot air near his ear he told me he 'really liked that!'. I climbed on top of him, which was hard to do since I'm pretty petite and he was quite big. I didn't know if I should rest my hands on his chest, his stomach or grab his hands. I didn't want him to think I was squeezing his man boobs and I also didn't want him to think I was paying attention to his stomach, it was just awkward. I began lightly grinding on his dick through his underwear while I slowly took my bikini top off. Thankfully I had put on some hip hop music that I could move to and that would also fill up the silence. I grabbed George's hands and led them to my tits and had him squeeze them. Once George was rock hard, I climbed off of him, stripped off his underwear and took him into my mouth. His breathing went deeper and quicker as I continued to work his shaft up to the tip of his dick.
"You're really good at that!" He stuttered from the pleasure.
"Thank you babe!" I smiled up at him. I crawled back up on top of him and began kissing him again.
As I let him inside me he let out all sorts of pleasured moans. I continued guiding his hands on my body and asked him what positions he liked.
"Just you on top" He answered bluntly.
'Of course he does...' I thought to myself. What guy doesn't like the girl doing all the work? I mean... don't get me wrong.. I love being on top but I get tired very quickly. I rode him very slowly, as to make sure I would not tire out too quick. As I leaned forward to kiss him I grabbed his hands and led them to my ass and had him pull my cheeks apart. I told him to feel his dick going in and out and to feel him opening me up.
When I did that... he came.
Like most guys, he became quite bashful and shy once he ejaculated. He tried to sit up to clean himself up, but I insisted on him laying down and letting me doing that. I ran and got a wet washcloth and gently washed him and cleaned him up. I collapsed onto the bed and rested my head onto his chest as we both laid there catching our breath.
"You're really good!" I assured him.
"Thanks" he simply answers, continuing to stare up at the ceiling now, instead of me.
I was curious about the other girls he had met. Were the all brunettes, blonde? Were they white, black, Asian? I always tell my clients to try out a variety of different women. That's the fun in being able to explore and hire escorts! You can try everything out and learn exactly what you like and don't like; what turns you on and turns you off. I asked if he found a girl that he wanted to see multiple times and his answer made me tear up again.
"I always try and text them but they never text me back! I don't know... maybe they don't like me or think I'm cute. Maybe they don't like me because I'm autistic."
"Nooo!" I quickly comforted him. 'I'm sure they like you! Their just probably super busy! Who wouldn't like you?! You're such a good kisser!!"
After 10 minutes or so, he was able to get hard again and it was time for round two. This time I wanted to push some of his limits and explore things that weren't so 'normal' or 'vanilla'. I can only imagine that all the other girls were very basic in the services they provided him. Meaning basic kissing, basic oral, basic sex; nothing that exciting. I asked him if it was OK if I sat on his face and instructed him on exactly how I like to have my pussy eaten. His eyes lit up with excitement and I knew he was going to like this. Using the headboard to hold my weight, I lightly sat down on his face. Directing him to either just stick his tongue straight out while I moved my hips over his entire face; or directing him to spell the alphabet with his tongue. Once I felt he had conquered giving me oral, I moved back onto the bed. We also discovered he quite liked it when I spit into his mouth, grabbing his cheeks with my hands and pushing them together to force his lips to part for my spit. He surprisingly loved having his nipples played with and even when I applied pain to them he still seemed to enjoy it.
"Do you like pain?" I ask intriguingly.
"Yeah, I like to paint ceramics sometimes." George innocently answered.
I accidentally laughed out loud, but it was just too darn cute! The only sexual position he wanted to do, was me on top, so I climbed back on top of George. Since we had done a lot more foreplay in round 2, we barely started to have sex when he came again. We laid there again for a while; only this time... George was cuddling me!
"You're so beautiful. I've never been with a girl as pretty as you! Do you like me?" George asked.
"Of course I do! How could I not?! You're a great kisser, super gentle and very kind! Have you ever been with a girl with colored hair or tattoos and piercings?"
"No, never, but I always wanted to."
"Well now you have!" I laughed.
As we got changed and cleaned the room up, George began telling me how he's never been on a real date with a girl. I wanted him to have that experience and told him that if he ever wanted to meet again we could try and do a few hours so that we could go see a movie, go to dinner and then come back to the room for the naughty stuff. I could tell he really liked that idea. He called his parents to tell them he was ready to be picked up, so I sat on the bed and waited for him to leave first before I did.
I still couldn't get over how amazing his family was, and how incredible this experience was. When George and I said goodbye he gave me the cutest goodbye kiss and squeezed me tight.
I took a moment before leaving, to reflect on how different this booking was compared to the last time I worked at this same exact motel. The irony of people telling me I was a horrible person due to my profession, yet I just helped this young man explore his sexuality in a healthy and empowering way.
FUCK ALL THOSE ASSHOLES!
I thought to myself, 'They don't know me! They don't know how much of myself I reveal to my clients, they have no idea how much I end up caring for everyone I meet. They think it's all an act when in reality it's the realest situation I've ever been in.'
I don't know how to word it, but when I have clients like George, it makes me feel good about my job and myself. I feel like I'm doing a good service and giving them hope. No longer do they sit and masturbate about maybe one day, possibly being with a cute girl and exploring all their fantasies- it now becomes a reality. I want them to feel how I feel when someone looks at me from across the room with desire. When someone pulls me in close and squeezes me, when someone whispers in my ear, when someone makes me cum and when someone is just in the moment- with me.
As I got into my car, I received a text.
"Hello Cassidy, this is George's mother. I just wanted to thank you for everything. George has the biggest smile on his face and tells us that you were extremely gentle, kind and helped him learn much more! We can't thank you enough and I hope you will be willing to meet him again soon!"
I smile to myself.
'This is why I love my job. This is why I don't care what people think or say about me- because I know the truth about who I am and how I treat others. This is why I'm a bad ass bitch.'